Week 24
It has been a while since our last post. I know that many of you have been following closely and are anxious for an update.

Just over two weeks ago Ryan and I went for a follow up Level 2 ultrasound. We were under the impression that we'd be in and out, we'd get to see our baby, get a photo for our scrapbook and head to the outlet mall for maternity clothes and to look at baby things. At the first ultrasound we were told that the baby's femur was developing a little slow, but that could mean our baby would be short if it didn't catch up with a growth spurt in the last trimester and that the umbilical cord was a two vessel cord. Three is normal, but the baby could still survive on two—it would just be smaller at birth.

Our follow up visit didn't start on the right foot. We got out of work a little late which meant we didn't stop for lunch. We had some snacks with us to hold us over. We waited in the crowded waiting room for 45 minutes with a full bladder before the sonographer did our ultrasound. She was very quiet but I'd hoped that it was just her personality. She spent a long time trying to get a good look at the baby's heart. After 40 minutes she went to fetch the maternal fetal doctor. It was another 45 minutes before the doctor came to see us. She quickly went through the images of our ultrasound and announced, "I see numerous defects. Your baby has Trisomy 18. I'm so sorry." She said it without an ounce of sincerity as if she'd just bumped into me with a shopping cart. I was in complete shock—not at the news but at how she chose to share it. She said she'd give us five minutes alone to decide if we wanted to get an amnio to confirm her diagnosis and then we could discuss terminating the pregnancy. Hold on a second! There are many things I would've loved to have said to this woman, all of which I might have regretted, so thankfully God kept my mouth closed. Two wrongs don't make a right. We left two minutes later without a photo of our baby and without any good news. Needless to say, we didn't go shopping either.

We scheduled a third Level 2 ultrasound with a doctor from a different hospital last week. I was hopeful that the doctor who did the second ultrasound was just a head-case, that she didn't know what she was talking about. The sonographer and doctor at this visit were much calmer, friendlier and genuine. While they didn't offer different news, it was much easier to accept from someone else. Not that this kind of news is ever easy to accept, we felt more prepared this time. The doctor spent time with us redoing the ultrasound and pointing out with arrows on a large screen exactly what he saw. This helped us to not second guess his professional opinion that he was 99% sure that our baby has Trisomy 18, 0.5% that it could be something else and 0.5% that he could be wrong. He didn't see the purpose of putting us through more trauma and recommended that we skip the amnio. His advice, upon hearing that we had no intention of terminating the pregnancy, was to stand up for our decision, he said that a lot of doctors may encourage us to abort (thankfully our doctor has been very understanding). He said that it is very unusual that a couple will decide to go full term, so most doctors do not have a lot of personal experience or know what to expect of Trisomy 18 babies. He said that the worst thing we could do is have false expectations that our baby will be completely healthy. While Ryan and I believe that God can perform miracles we know that this may not be what God has planned for us.

What is Trisomy 18 (Edwards Syndrome)?
If you are like us, you may have never heard of Trisomy 18 before last month when we first posted on our blog that we were doing further testing. Trisomy 18 is diagnosed in one of every 3,000 pregnancies and is not linked to the genetics of either parent. Trisomy 18 is a genetic defect in the 18th chromosome—instead of having two of each chromosome, our baby has a third 18th chromosome. This defect, unlike Downs Syndrome (Trisomy 21) is incompatible with life. A lot of babies abort themselves, many are stillborn. According to the Trisomy 18 Foundation, 90% of Trisomy 18 babies live up to one week. Only about 5% survive up to one year. We have no way of knowing if our baby will be born alive or how long we will have to hold our first baby. Only God knows the number of our days.

Trisomy 18 babies usually face numerous defects that threaten their life. Our baby has been diagnosed to have a hole in its heart between the left and right sides, both of the kidneys are joined together forming a horseshoe shape, abnormal development with the brain, skull and hands. The two vessel umbilical cord is also present in most Trisomy 18 babies. The baby does not have a lot of amnionic fluid in its stomach which leads the doctors to believe that the baby cannot swallow. The extra fluid also means that I am getting bigger (gaining 11 pounds in the last month!) which can induce labor. We are anticipating the baby to arrive earlier than May 17th.

How Our Lives Have Changed
This news has changed our lives in many ways. First, Ryan has decided to take grad school slower in order to lessen the workload during this time of uncertainty. His new projected graduation date will be mid-December 2008.

We feel an increased urgency to find work closer to home, our families and doctors. God works in interesting ways. The day we went for our second ultrasound Ryan got a call for an interview at Follett. They're looking for a writer for their marketing department and are only located 20 minutes from our house. A 20 minute commute would be a blessing after spending four hours a day on the train and bus as we do now. Ryan's first interview was last week and we are anxiously waiting for a call back for a second interview. Ryan and I plan to give our resignations together. I am looking forward to working from home on freelance projects for a while in addition to the extra hour of sleep in my warm bed each night, less back aches and enjoying our home during daylight.

We also decided at our six month checkup last Friday to find out the sex of our baby so that we can name it and stop calling it an it. We want to bond with our little boy as much as we can while God allows us to borrow this beautiful treasure. We plan to enjoy every kick! I'd tell you the little guy's name but we're still working on picking it out.

We have also decided to refrain from some of the normal pregnancy activities like birthing classes, gift registries and planning a nursery. This entire experience is difficult as we begin thinking about funeral services, memorials and the possibility of coming home from the hospital without our baby.

We are so thankful that God has blessed us with the support and love of our families, church family and friends. It has been very helpful to know that we're not alone. Ryan and I are especially glad to have each other and a marriage built on Christ. He is our strength. Only He knows the why's and how this all fits into His purpose. Knowing that our Creator loves us and our baby helps us through this difficult time. He has not abandoned us, nor shall we abandon Him, He is our Lord. God has pointed me to a few verses I'd like to share with you:

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.—Romans 12:12

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you."—Jeremiah 1:5

In the Bible, a wealthy man named Job loses his servants, livestock and his 10 children all in one day yet he gives praise to the Lord: Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.—Job 1:21

Please continue to pray for our baby boy and for us. Pray that God will help us to build a special bond with our son before he goes to be with the Lord and that He would bless us with time to hold our baby. Pray that God would continue to be our strength, that we'd keep our eyes set on Him and to see the doors He is opening for us. Please pray that God would provide local work so that Ryan and I can be closer to home and family. As time draws near and fear of the unknown increases, pray that God would comfort us and remove this fear by strengthening our trust in Him.

Thank you all for your love and support. We'll keep you posted when we pick a name!

All our love,
Monica and Ryan

Week 22 | Case of the Shrinking Belly Button

I can't believe how fast things are changing these days. In the last week we have felt the baby moving around quite a bit. Even Ryan has been able to experience the joy and weirdness of feeling something moving inside of me. We've also been watching my belly button disappear before our very eyes. I think we have about a week or two left before it's gone completely.

We're both growing in excitement as we count down the last few weeks of the pregnancy. We've been doing some research on baby names to pass the time. So far we have Helmut Joseph for a boy and Holly Pinot for a girl—I think we need to go back to the drawing board.

Week 21 | Pregnant Girl Painting!

It's hard to believe Monica and I had 10 days off for Christmas break, but the inevitable truth is they're over and we're back to work. The time flew by as we visited with family, celebrated Jesus' birth and rang in the new year. It was so nice to see everyone and to relax away from the city.

As the nesting instinct kicks in, Monica and I painted the entire first floor of the house over the Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks. Not much you can do to talk a pregnant woman out of painting—or getting up on a ladder to do it herself. Don't worry, we were safe and careful. The house looks great and now has a personality which makes it feel more like home. Next up: nursery. We've got a few months for that, though not many! Believe it or not we're in the 21st week right now—that's more than half way.

We have another level 2 ultrasound this Friday so I'm sure we'll come back with a few more photos of our baby—I can hardly wait! Monica's feeling good for the most part, a little cramping and nausea here and there, but nothing too severe. Keep an eye out for another maternity portrait of my beautiful wife in the next few days and also an update on the ultrasound early next week.